Sunday, July 25, 2004
The Courtship Rule Book
Everything a guy needs to know to do it right
Choosing a life mate is a huge project. It takes lots of research, much prayer, wise counsel, and careful thought. Because of the importance of this decision, we can offer only one sure-fire way to end up with the right one: don't think about it. You must go to sleep. All mental, emotional, and spiritual thought regarding a life partner (particularly when there is a specific girl in mind) must cease. You must follow the example God gives us in Genesis. Before God presented Eve to Adam, he caused Adam to go to sleep. Scripture tells us this was a deep sleep, and young men would be wise to follow Adam's example. Until you die to the thought of ever getting married you will never be satisfied. After you stop thinking about this important issue it will become so much easier to make a wise decision. Therefore, purpose to become an Adam fellow.
A testimony from an Adam fellow: "I first heard this exciting truth of falling asleep when I was eight. At the time, it seemed like a good idea, so I purposed to go to sleep in Christ and allow him to provide the perfect mate for me. As I reached my teens, I discovered that I preferred to catnap in Christ. I could get my rest in Christ as long as no females were present, but as soon as a girl walked in the room, I was jolted awake. Of course, this was sinful, and I decided that sleeping in Christ was not enough, so I became Comatose in Christ. I accomplished this by taking a 15 lb. sledgehammer and hitting myself in the forehead several times. I can testify that going Comatose in Christ works!"
Once a young man or woman understands this dynamic truth, he or she is prepared to think rationally about a life partner.
After a person becomes comatose, he still faces many challenges in everyday life where he comes in contact with the opposite gender. Most young men going into their 20's are reaching a point where they are prepared to support a family.
Steps should be taken to avoid compromising situations where one is alone with the opposite gender. We must avoid all appearance of evil. Many people justify themselves by saying, "We're just friends--we're not doing anything wrong," but even the most innocent of activities can lead to temptation when alone with someone of the opposite gender. Avoid all activities, however innocent, if they could lead to temptation. These activities would include: roller-coaster rides, watching TV, road trips, going to church together, holding hands, kissing, and taking showers.
Additionally, many young men struggle with the difficult questions of where to draw the line in their friendships with girls. Is it okay for a guy to write letters to a girl who is a casual friend? Is he allowed to call her? What if they grew up together and are now going to colleges in different states--is he allowed to have contact with her? How often may he do this? Should he ask the girl if he can send her e-mails? Should he call the girl's father for permission? Should he ask the girl if he can ask the father for permission? Or should he ask the father if he can ask the girl for permission?
This is a very delicate time in the relationship between a man and woman. Therefore, we are going to give you the tools of how to do it right.
To answer all the above questions we turn to a more romantic time period when the world was not complicated by Internet relationships: the biblical example of Ruth and Boaz. As the story goes, Naomi, her husband, and their two sons moved to Moab. There the young men met and married two beautiful young women, Ruth being one of them. Sadly, the women of Moab seemed to have a bad effect on the men of Israel and Naomi's husband and sons all died in a very short period of time. Naomi and Ruth returned to Naomi's home.
Ruth took the initiative to provide for the family by gathering wheat from the fields. While she was gathering in Boaz' field, he took note of her and spoke kindly to her. So the first rule for young men is, of course, to buy some property and raise wheat. Additionally, always speak kindly to young women. Boaz generously invited Ruth to continue gleaning in his fields, which she was very happy to do. We learn an important lesson early in their relationship: it's a good sign if you can get free work out of her.
At mealtime, Boaz called out to Ruth, "Come here, and eat some bread, and dip your morsel in the wine." We are very concerned with Boaz' alcoholism--we do not recommend for young men to imbibe while working in their fields.
Ruth went home that night and had the talk with Naomi: "He's so very generous and wise and kind and cute!" Meanwhile, Boaz and the guys were engrossed in watching a football game and eating Doritos with no thought of Ruth. We see this pattern repeated in many relationships. Young men, you have no idea how easily you can enthrall a girl. At this stage most young men are still avowed Bachelors and Out-of-the-pot eaters, while young women are entering into the "confused" stage. We urge you: dip your morsels in wine alone.
Back at Naomi's place, Naomi gave Ruth some risky counsel. They laid a plan, washed and perfumed Ruth, and Ruth went out of the house to catch her man.
Meanwhile, Boaz was deep in sleep. Ruth came up to him, uncovered his feet. (Some marriage counselors advise against this, as it has been known to cause bed-wetting, so discretion should be used.) Ruth then laid down at Boaz' feet. Again, bright young men will instantly recognize the lesson: when faced with the swirling questions of "what should I do," the answer is simple. Nothing. Prepare your fields, remain unconscious, and the women will come to you.