Monday, August 23, 2004

Training Center Life - Part 2
An Investigative Report
A description for the uninitiated. X-er visits the Indianapolis Training Center and reports on his observations.

The Thirteenth Floor
On the scale of Undesirable Locations, the 13th ranks somewhere between Purgatory and Hell. It is considered the Haven of the Rebels and People Who Want to Avoid Being Seen by the Authorities. While the 360 degree view is fantastic, and the night skyline of Indianapolis is breath-taking, it is best to only enjoy this floor if you have the misfortune of being on the night security shift.

Attending Church
Students visiting local church are often placed in awkward situations while attending. What to do if the special music contains a backbeat? Does one subject himself to the damaging influence of the backbeat or does he offend the performer by walking out mid-song?

When ATI students mingle with the church members during the Walk Around and Shake Hands, they usually introduce themselves in this manner: "Hi, I'm X. I'm from the ITC," vaguely gesturing in the direction of the ITC bus. "I have no idea what you're talk about," responds the church member, "but welcome!"

Fun Activities
Fun Activities at the TC consist of walking around the parking lot or looking out the window, watching people walk around the parking lot. Other Fun Activities are either unapproved, or not deemed beneficial, or both. Asking (as we were told to do) "does this make me a better Christian" before engaging in a Fun Activity eliminates all possible pastimes. Xer attempted to argue that working in the Dish Pit failed to make him a better Christian, but this line of argument was met with poor success.

ITC Security consists of sleepy guys dressed in khaki and sports coats. While there are cameras outside of prayer rooms, there are no cameras in elevators, as rumored. Alarms are placed in the stairwells to alert security of anyone coming or going. When the alarm goes off, the security guy in charge orders the other guy to "go check it out." People who move quickly can outrun aforementioned security guy.

Security officers are not as much of a problem as those we call Lurkers. Lurkers are usually staff fathers in a position of minimal authority who generally ignore curfew rules and drift around the training center for the purpose of accosting anyone else up. These lurkers are the real threat as they do not use flashlights or whistle loudly in the dark as the nervous security officers often do. Lurkers simply materialize next to you and ask in loud, harsh tones, "What are you doing up, young man?" The answer X-er found most useful was "I'm praying in an all night prayer vigil. Would you care to join me?"

Visits by The Outsiders
The Outsiders are immediately identifiable: they wear The Clothes We Don't Speak Of. You may see someone in jeans. Women sometimes appear in pants (or, if God decides to bless male ITC residents that day, in shorts). sure to visit tomorrow when Xer reports on How to Survive the Training Center Life...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow... I'm dying of laughter here... *so* true. Especially loved the part about the dish pit. :)


10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'Lurkers are staff fathers in a position of minimal authority who ignore curfew rules and drift around for the purpose of accosting anyone else. ...Lurkers materialize ...and ask ..., "What are you doing up?" "I'm praying in an all night prayer vigil."'

this was hilarious. you are so true. yep.

at some point the thirteenth floor became 'cosmetology' or part cosmetology

8:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"The Thirteenth Floor" - Reminded me of a movie by the same name. It was the hangout for many a piano playing and guitar picking. Crawling around in the ceiling running audio cable was another perspective. I was actually, dare I say, scared of 13 when I was sent to do security checks, it was spooky when it was all dark adn quiet

"People who move quickly can outrun aforementioned security guy" - hey now, I enjoyed security and thought we did a dang fine job : ) A handy tip I'll add is taking the elevator PAST the floors that have the alarms in the stairwells and then walk out the west end stairwell, down by transportation

"Visits by The Outsiders" - What's so screwed up is that this is true. I swear after being in a training center for 8 months, when a guy with long hair and jeans walked in, the first thing in my brainwashed mind was to judge him and treat him like some kind of freak. What kind of crap is that

3:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On "Fun Activities" -- in my experience, watching cars/people out the window qualified as wasting time, or worse yet, loitering and giving the evil one opportunity for temptation!! (God forbid . . .) For that matter, fun itself gives the devil opportunity!!! Therefore, we were strongly encouraged to be in our rooms meditating or studying if we found ourselves with a few unstructured minutes. Now, years later, I still find myself sometimes feeling guilty for enjoying few quiet moments and letting my mind wander . . .

12:30 PM  
Blogger bethany said...

"Women sometimes appear in pants (or, if God decides to bless male ITC residents that day, in shorts)"

LOL!!!! I was once babysitting for a training conference when one of the dozen or so children witnessed a young girl, maybe 14, wearing shorts because it was August and hot as hell..anyway, the little girl looks at me and states, "She shouldn't have worn those immodest clothes because now she's going to have to go to hell, huh?"

Wow...sad story.

9:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, God bless you! So very true. And so very funny. Because it's so very true.

5:48 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home





approved books

approved music


censored words