Cabbage Patch Sues Gothard
HINSDALE, Illinois - Citing "years of defamation and business interference," the manufacturer of Cabbage Patch Dolls has sued Bill Gothard for lowering the nation's opinion of the popular 1980's toy.
"The Institute of Basic Life Principles boasts an attendance of 2.6 million," said a Cabbage Patch spokesman. "We estimate that at least half of the IBLP alumni either burned their children's dolls, or failed to buy one when the rest of the country was in a frenzy over our product."
The manufacturer hopes to recover millions for lost business, as well as punitive damages "to teach folks a lesson about maligning innocent dolls." The company hopes to place a Cabbage Patch Doll in each ATI home in the coming years.
IBLP plans to fight this lawsuit with a strong defense by calling witnesses who can testify to the oppression that the Cabbage Patch Dolls brought into their home. "We are sure that a jury will agree with our defense," said an IBLP press release.