Gothard Lands Cabinet Post
WASHINGTON, DC - Reorganizing his administration due to the resignations of his top Cabinet advisors, President George W. Bush has announced that Bill Gothard, president and founder of IBLP, will be appointed as Secretary of the Spiritual Interior. The newly-created Cabinet position will perform dual functions, serving as character counselor to the president and advising him on the spiritual climate of the nation.
President Bush, known for the nicknames he assigns staffers, was upbeat about the appointment. "Rev'und Bill is a man of God," he said, "and we need more of those folks here in this town of Washington."
The White House released a short statement announcing the appointment. "The Bush Administration promotes faith-based initiatives. Bill Gothard's work, which is solely based on faith--to the exclusion of science, logic, historical Christian thought and common sense--rightly qualifies him to serve in this capacity."
The Office of the Spiritual Interior plans to mandate character training for all Federal employees. Secretary Gothard promised to quickly improve the spiritual interior of the nation: "Just as all relational conflicts can be traced to their spiritual root causes, most social/governmental problems have their root in our moral condition. The evils of rock music, defrauding dress standards, and the cinema have contributed to terrorism, poverty, and the national deficit. We will encourage all citizens to obtain God's blessing on their lives."