Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Women Disappointed with ATI Guys
Curious to discover what ATI women think about ATI guys, we sat down with Michelle, Sara, and Rachel, three young ladies in ATI. What they told us was very eye-opening. We had no idea.

Michelle threw the first punch. "ATI boys are far too timid and shy," she said. "Women are like Those We Don't Speak Of. Sure, they stand up if a girl walks into a room and they'll wait for 15 minutes while she's walking up to a door so they can hold it open, but they can't even look her in the eye or carry a decent conversation." Michelle avoids elevator rides with guys at all costs. She has no moral inhibitions about shared space, but cannot stand the awkward silences.

Rachel agreed. "Another problem is their immaturity. ATI guys are the silliest, most immature individuals I know. It's like they are incapable of making decisions on their own--they ALWAYS have to get permission."

"Would you say the term 'mama's boys' is appropriate?" I asked. Rachel nodded furiously.

"Describe the classic ATI guy for me," I prodded. Sara laughed and leaned forward. "Let's see...the classic ATI guy's top button is always buttoned. In casual situations he usually wears khaki pants, and he's never without his handy Leatherman tool strapped to his belt. He's pretty much a nerd."

"Yes, and his idea of a good time is to gather around the piano and sing hymns in four-part harmony," laughed Michelle.

"I like to tweak the ATI guys," confessed Sara. "I'll hint that I have a tattoo, and they look away and turn red. It's so much fun."

"It drives me crazy that they're so darn polite!" said Rachel. "They apologize for everything, defer to you in conversation, and generally lack any kind of backbone. Aren't guys supposed to be the leaders?"

ATI staff guys rank among the Most Hated for these women. They despise the guys that walk around wielding a walkie-talkie ("as if it's a light saber or something") and who derive satisfaction from climbing the ranks of the Institute.

These girls admitted to the occassional good-looking ATI guy. "They're so sweet and cute. You just want to pinch him, he's so delicious," gushed Sara. "But they fear being accused of flirting, so they try to project the big-brother personna."

Ask an ATI guy what his skills are, and he will mention Ultimate Frisbee, chalk art, singing, and spending time with his family. "That's fine, I suppose," said Michelle, "but I want to marry a MAN! Someone who can cut down trees and sweat. Someone who is powerful...who can make love like Tarzan! A guy who likes skydiving, fistfighting, and bull riding."

I asked the girls to complete a quote for me. "I wouldn't marry anyone who was really wicked..."

"...but I think I'd like it if he could be wicked and wouldn't!" they all cried in unison. "Anne of Avonlea!"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

that's pretty funny. the last part about Anne of Avonlea was funnier than the first part

9:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wohoo! it's about time guys figured all that out. ;)
*note: something you can add here..I could only used the term "man" to describe probably a total of two or three ati guys, after knowing 12yrs worth of them. sad, huh?

9:49 AM  

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