Cabbage Patch Dolls Invade IBLP
OAK BROOK, Illinois - Angered by years of insults and stalled litigation, an army of Cabbage Patch Dolls invaded the IBLP Headquarters yesterday.
With a strong sense of purpose, the dolls located the Staff Center. The attack took place at noon, just as the IBLP staff was gathering for lunch. The dolls poured in through the doors, crashed through the windows and rolled down the stairway.
The intent of the attack was difficult to ascertain, as dolls are generally considered non-deadly and they carried no weapons. Nevertheless, despite superior strength, IBLP staff fled in terror. Several staff members immediately Cried Out, and shouts of "Get Jim Logan on the phone!" could be heard.
"It was awful," said one survivor. "All I could think of was the deadly rabbit in Monty Python and the Holy Grail."
Artist's rendition of the attack.
After destroying large portions of the Staff Center, the Cabbage Patch army left, leaving behind a single doll named "Llib," who was dressed in a navy suit. The dolls were seen marching down Ogden Avenue, reported one witness.