Gothard to Perform in Super Bowl Halftime
In an effort to avoid any embarrassing malfunctions (wardrobe or otherwise), NFL officials announced today that Bill Gothard will be joining Paul McCartney in Sunday's Super Bowl halftime show. Mr. Gothard will follow the 62-year-old former Beatle's musical performance with a special chalk drawing, the specific details of which have not been revealed.
While Mr. Gothard's artistic ability is internationally recognized, a high-ranking NFL official, speaking on terms of anonymity, said that the NFL added Mr. Gothard to the show "simply because we knew he would not and could not expose as much as an ankle without treading on his own personal, moral guidelines." Mr. Gothard reportedly agreed to participate only if he is provided with a soundproof holding room during Mr. McCartney's performance, from which he will emerge only after all cheerleaders and dancers are cleared from the stage.
-Submitted by Jonathan Lobel