Thursday, September 09, 2004

Training In Worldly Activities

Many of us, upon leaving our safe environment of navy and white, like to sample some of the world's pleasures. We must warn you: do not abuse your new-found freedom. It is easy to ignore human limitations and overdo it. Thus, we are offering a new feature--Training In Worldly Activities--which will offer tips and advice on how to enjoy grace responsibly and without excess.


  1. Upon reaching a legal age, go to your local grocery store and purchase your drink of choice. This is not as easy as it sounds, as you could select domestic or foreign, draught, malt beer, ale, lager, hefeweizen, or stout. We recommend frequent experimentation to identify your favorite.

  2. For your first drink, we advise that you return home rather than hitting the town. Ex-ATI students are not experienced enough to gauge intoxication levels, so it is best to start drinking at your final destination.

  3. Chill the beer.

  4. It is best to eat a high-carb meal before drinking your first beer as it will absorb the liquor and will reduce the intoxicant effect. Pizza or pasta are good choices.

  5. Open the bottle. Notice the hiss as you open the cap, and the faint, thin scent of alcohol. (Awareness is the key to enjoyment.)

  6. The next decision is whether to drink from the bottle or to pour the beer into a glass. Experts disagree on this choice. Some recommend pouring into a glass in order to get a good foamy head on the beer, while others insist that drinking straight from the bottle preserves the beer's flavor. Scripture does not provide any insight into this decision, although it does contain admonitions about loving wine when it is red in the glass.

  7. Drink. Your first drink is best in small sips.

And there you have it. Seven steps on how to drink a beer. But please do not forget the risks of drinking.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, in order to be a real X-er, do you have to LIKE the foul stuff? -- Mairzy

5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahh.. sin never tasted so good.. You forgot one small tip: Enjoy Beer with friends, espcially your first one. This provides much fun and is less expensive if you all pitch in and buy a keg

7:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you do a post on "How to Get a Girl"?

6:26 AM  
Blogger X-er said...

Coming soon: How to Flirt and How to Get a Girl

8:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And it's important to remember:

Beer before liquor,
Never were sicker.

1:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like drinking beer is a sin.

Did you ever watch Robin Hood (the one made in the '90's) Friar Tuck said something like if God didn't want people to drink He wouldn't have invented beer)

Of course we could go with Homer Simpson's "mmmmmmmmmmbeeeeeerrrrrrrr"


12:46 PM  

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