Monday, September 13, 2004

EXCEL is a Secret Society
In a startling discovery we recently developed, it's come to our attention that the EXCEL program for girls is actually a secret society, more secret than Skull & Bones or the Masons.

Upon entering the program, girls disappear for an eight-week orientation and when they come out they all wear matching uniforms and using secret code language such as "more valuable than rubies", "interior decorating skills", and "falling in love with Jesus." Shouldn't this concern us?

Our source Mairzy pointed out the strange behavior of a former EXCEL friend: "Every time she gets back in touch with her EXCEL friends, her personality changes. She gets really meek and quiet and won't offer an opposing opinion on anything I say. She just prays a lot, and suddenly gets these compulsions to do things like clean the garage or start a family. It's creepy."

Out of concern for women all over America, Mairzy asked us to investigate this further.

Believing this warranted a closer look, we were able to infiltrate the Dallas Training Center and secure secret documents from the EXCEL leadership. Our discoveries shocked us. Among the documents retrieved, we found an memo dated February 1993 which outlined the concept for EXCEL. The memo indicated IBLP's concern that young women in ATI were falling prey to worldly philosophies such as wearing pants, styling short hair cuts, and serial dating.

The memo called for a program that would involve "drastic behavior modification" and "indoctrination for the purpose of planting submissive women all around the country."

True success, indicated the memo, would require that the program attract susceptible young women who hoped to build homemaking skills. Upon luring these girls into the DTC, they would be brainwashed with stories of disastrous relationships gone awry because of a "spirit of worldliness." The memo indicated a 99.8% success rate when young women received threats about the demise of their future marriages and children. Thus, the drastic alterations in appearance and behavior upon graduation from the program.

X-ATI Guy will continue to report on this dangerous program as we gather more information.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is this for real? Everything I did in ATIA now that you mention it was fear bassed. Hey mr. Gothard, I have short hair now! This Excel stuff is freaky!

10:31 AM  
Anonymous Vegan Hunter said...

My family was one of the first 100 when the "pilot program" of ATI first started, and I have short hair, wear pants and have the best bloody homemaking skills out there. I'll challenge any EXCEL-trained Hausfrau to a bread-baking, sewing or goat-milking contest, and my secular posterior will WIN every time.

12:31 AM  

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