Character in Action

WASHINGTON, DC - Secretary of the Spiritual Interior Bill Gothard hailed the Transportation Security Administration's modified guidelines on airport security pat-downs as a "triumph of character in action," while calling for additional reforms.

After hundreds of women complained about invasive bodily contact during airport security screenings, the TSA issued new guidelines for pat-down procedures, thereby eliminating the free access screeners previously enjoyed. New guidelines prohibit security personnel from patting down a passenger's breast area unless the handheld metal wand goes off.

"Airport security screeners are now required to exhibit the character quality of self control," said Secretary Gothard. "These new rules will keep things from getting out of hand."

While Secretary Gothard is pleased with the reforms, his agency is dedicated to raising higher standards. "Women should wear modest clothing while traveling in order to avoid defrauding male security personnel," he said.

-posted by X-er at 11:14 PM