Tuesday, August 09, 2005

ATIA's Patron Saint
The Advanced Training Institute International recently announced that it will start the canonization process for the 102 families who originally joined the home education program formerly known as ATIA.

The Institute decided to nominate ATI's pilot families for sainthood after recognizing the need for modern Heroes of Faith. "These courageous parents and obedient children have raised a standard for thousands of ATI students and parents," said an ATI spokesman. "It is time to honor their character by making them saints."

Families applying for sainthood must meet the following criteria:

  • Fathers who faithfully lead the family in Wisdom Searches.
  • Mothers who have discovered the secrets of child raising.
  • No rebellious children in the family. College-age children must have returned home when the family joined ATIA.
  • Children who can sing in harmony and recite Scripture with hand motions.
  • Must have attended every annual ATIA conference (Oklahoma City, Indianapolis, Knoxville, Regional Seminars).
  • A home that is free of the sensual influences of worldly books, rock music, and television.
  • Must have performed at least three documented instances of mighty deeds.

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Outstanding! Finally I have been nominated for sainthood. This must be the greatest day of my life…and yet somehow my excitement just doesn’t seem as great as it should be. Oh wait, I think I might fail just about every criteria listed…..dang!

5:19 AM  
Anonymous KayaLiz said...

Saints are boring. I'd rather be a redeemed sinner any day.

5:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

YESSSSS.. (Napolian D. fist gesture made) Sainthood is pretty much what I deserve. Wait, curses! I can't get it!!!! My family only has TWO (2) documented cases of Mighty Deeds and I think they allowed soft rock with backmasking into the home. All those hours of sitting at Knox and Indy, up in smoke.

Seriously, coming from a first year family, we've done all what's listed to the "T" but like sainthood, it was a bogus front to a corrupt and stagnant "religion".

6:45 AM  
Blogger qoe said...

You first year families get to have all the fun. Except for being part of a third year family...I could've been a saint!!

8:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did I miss something???? Because I thought that the first year families already WERE saints. My gosh, from what I heard they were the TRUE core of ATI and it was just all of the families that came along later that corrupted ATI and gave it some of the "issues" that it has today. First year families though? They were DEDICATED to the VISION.

8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i am one of the (former) students from one of the pilot families. we don't /wouldn't qualify for that sainthood... not by a long shot... *G* :)

3:23 PM  
Anonymous 'Nonymous said...

To answer Qoe, we Pilot Families get to have all the fun because we're better. Even though this might sound arrogant, I am compelled to utter the truth by the ingrained character qualities of Truthfulness ("Accurately reporting past facts in order to gain future trust") and Boldness ("Confidence that what I have to say or do is true, right, and just"). If it is true, that logic dictates that it cannot simultaneously be arrogant.

Proof of our superiority is evident in that it was our families that had the clarity of vision to see what others could not - namely, that the ATIA program was the necessary calling of all true Christians.

Those that did not see it at the time were obviously lacking in God-given vision, evidencing their callousness to the truth. This callousness is often caused by seeking a "comfortable" church - having a desire to "fit in" with a group of so-called "like-minded" believers at the expense of a deeper and more satisfying personal relationship with God that can only be obtained through The ATI Program.

Seriously though, if you don't see the truth of all this, your conscience is severely calloused - you should attend one of our seminars and learn about the True Path to Freedom and Enlightenment. Only by applying the One Truth can you hope to truly understand the world around you.

10:11 PM  
Blogger A(0U$T!C R0(K said...

I thought having the vision to join ATI was a mighty deed in itself.

4:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The reunions of pilot families w/ a sumptuous dinner were pretty fun, alright. Last time I indulged a little too freely w/ that "sumptuous dinner" and, having failed to exercise Self-Control, "fell ill of a surfeit of raspberry tarts". (Quoting from James Thurber.) I had never had such good food in my life.

6:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know that definition of Truthfulness ("Accurately reporting past facts in order to gain future trust")sounds just like the favorite character quality of a tattle-tale.

8:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes indeed - or even, an informer at a Training Center... "In order to gain FUTURE TRUST..." :)

8:10 AM  
Anonymous VeganHunter said...

Oops, I guess I disqualified my ENTIRE family. But dangit, I *WAS* dedicated to the vision! I was ten in the summer of '84, and with our acceptance to The Pilot Program I thought we'd received our admission to the promised land. When the fees got too high for us to participate any longer, I thought we were being shown the exit from paradise. I took this stuff seriously.

And all these years later, sitting here in godless Europe in my close-fitting, all-natural-fibers pants-suit that distracts from my short-haired, artsy-earringed, glasses'd countenance by drawing attention to my well-trained muscles and alluring, non-childbearing feminine curves, I would still challenge any one of you to a riveting game of Character Clues.

9:59 AM  

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