Tuesday, September 28, 2004

IBLP Declares a "Woman Fast"
Motivated by I Corinthians 7, the Dean of Men at IBLP headquarters has declared a mandatory, 40-day "woman fast" for all male staff members of IBLP. Interested to learn more, X-ATI Guy sent his best non-female investigative reporter to check out the situation.

Rumor has it that the woman-fast decree was issued when the Dean of Men heard several reports that all staff girls did in their free time was talk about staff men. Being an intuitive Dean with a nose for corruption and potentially defrauding situations, the Dean surmised that staff men were engaged in similarly unproductive conversations about the opposite sex.

The Dean took decisive action and forbid all males to talk to, look at, touch, or in any other way make contact with female staff members. Reports indicate that the Dean is pushing for this policy to be made permanent.

X-er asked several young men how they felt about this situation. "It's not like much has changed," said one staffer named Brett. "I got reamed out for smiling sympathetically at a girl after her grandmother died. I was accused of trying to build soul ties with a vulnerable woman."

"I don't have to change my behavior at all," agreed another young man named Tim. "If you want to work for IBLP and not get paid, you'd best leave the women alone."

One young man we talked to was upbeat about the situation. "I'm going to turn my physical desires into creative energy. I'm grateful to the leadership for the opportunity to focus on the Lord."

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Sir:

I believe it is wrong for you to mock ATI for trying to uphold high standards and purity. The staff should obey their authorities.

7:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Dear Sir:

I believe it is wrong for you to mock ATI for trying to uphold high standards and purity. The staff should obey their authorities."


Ummmm. . . considering the high level of satire on this site, I'm wondering whether this is a heart-felt comment or another tongue-in-cheek one.

10:58 AM  
Anonymous VeganHunter said...

It's a blessing to hear that they're getting these things under control after all these years.

When I was at Headquarters, a guy gave me a jar of honey from his family apiary in Vermont. I was pretty sure that obligated me to marry him. I'm very glad to hear that none of the young ladies now at IBLP must suffer apicultural harassment.

Oh, and to whomever gave me the honey - thank you. I gave it directly to my parents on my return to their home. It sat in the pantry for a while, b/c it was a special treat, and every time I saw that jar I wondered if the guy was going to call my father or if he'd found out I was only 14 and was miffed that he'd wasted his honey on a non-honey.

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