Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Training In Worldly Activities
Training In Worldly Activities offers tips and advice on how to enjoy grace responsibly and without excess.

For all of you feeble current and ex-ATI guys who have not yet figured out the fine art of flirting, we offer:

HOW TO GET A GIRL
Before you begin the task of catching a girl, you have to undo some serious brainwashing you received in ATI. Many maxims have been pounded into your head regarding relationships. We call these ATI Relationship Strongholds.

First, you have heard the verse in I Corinthians 7 which says, "He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife." The impeccable logic of IBLP states: Pleasing God is good. Caring for the things of the world is bad. Therefore, we should not get married or even entertain the option of a relationship.

You must counteract this devastating logic with the following quote: "It is better to marry than to burn." As 95% of all young men burn (and the other 5% are liars), chances are you have God's permission to pursue a relationship for the purpose of matrimony.

Another ATI Stronghold you must tear down is: "You shouldn't get married until you are ready to have children because that is the purpose of marriage." This stronghold effectively prevents most young men from entering relationships. As much as they love children, they'd prefer to spend a little time alone with their bride. We would like to point out that this stronghold is inconsistent with Scripture. Many women listed in the Bible were unable to have children, which would have made their marriages entirely useless if you believe this Stronghold. Furthermore, while God commanded Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, the words "immediately" and "right now" do not appear in this verse (neither in English nor in the original Hebrew).

Finally, the idea that you will be "more effective for Christ single than married" should be disposed of. This is a subjective question that must be resolved with each individual person. While some people may be more effective for Christ as single persons, it is a short, elite list. Don't miss out on relationship opportunities wondering if you're on this list. And by all means avoid The Castrati.

These Strongholds aside, here is how a guy can get a girl.

1. Fall asleep in Christ. (No, we're just kidding. Gotcha!)

2. Know what you want in life. Women are extremely attracted to men who have a vision for their life. If you have career plans, life goals, and a strong sense of direction, you will draw women to you with gravitational force. We are not advocating abuse of this technique; we're simply pointing out it is a reality. Furthermore, a sense of direction within your relationship is good as well. Girls shouldn't have to ask "where is this going?" You want them to say, "Wow, here we go!"

3. Don't be afraid to look her in the eye. ATI guys have a problem with this. At best, they will stand sideways to a girl and cast quick glances toward the girl while talking to her. No, no, no. Stand facing her directly, and look her in the eye. Let HER look away from you. This tells women you possess immense confidence. Just be careful not to make her uncomfortable; there's a difference between eye contact and staring.

4. Talk to her. You cannot get a girl without talking to her. And no, saying "hi" when you pass each other in the training center lobby does not count. You must be prepared to ask her questions, listen to her answers, draw out her opinions, and then remember what she's told you. Conversation is the key here. Too many ATI guys talk non-stop around women, betraying their nervousness. Give her a chance to express herself.

5. Be decisive. Some guys think it is sexy to always defer to the girl's preference. But when the girl tells you she doesn't care where you go out to eat, be a man and make a suggestion. Here's how not to do it:

Guy: What sounds good to you tonight?
Girl: Oh, I don't care, I'd be happy with anything. [She's thinking: "Didn't you plan anything?"]
Guy: Well, I like anything, so wherever you want to go, that's fine with me.
Girl: Oh, I don't care. Whatever you pick is good with me. ["It's going to be a long night."]
Guy: Well, there's this Mexican place. Of course, if you don't like that we can go to Chili's. If you don't like that we can do Outback. If you don't like that.....
Girl: Sighs and smooths her skirt. ["Sorry, bozo, I'll never bear your children."]

6. Make her laugh. This also requires that you have insight into the girl. Discover her sense of humor and make her laugh. Do NOT break out the old "How do you know when you're dating an ATI girl" jokes. Instead, try to discover what things amuse her. What funny memories or experiences do you share? Who do you mutually despise that you can slyly make fun of? Use subtle wit and irony rather than knock-knock jokes.

7. Don't hesitate. If you've discovered the girl and you love her, buy the diamond, talk to the necessary parents, and get down on one knee. Don't settle for long, drawn out courtships.

+++

Our research indicates women are generally disappointed with ATI guys. We believe you can overcome this stigma by following the seven steps listed above.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great stuff - I've been reading for awhile now and laugh out loud every day!!

10:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you make some valid points. But, there seems to be one very important item missing from your list for how a guy can get a girl. As a girl, the major "attention getter" for me is his character. Now, before you break out with a sarcastic response (because you may think I'm some sort of "ATI" plant, hear me out).

Yes, I want someone who will take charge, be decisive, have eyes only for me, knows where he's going and not afraid to take chances. But that doesn't mean beans if he doesn't have the character to back it. A lot of guys are smoothe talkers and say all the "right" things - sometimes their motives are suspect to me. I don't care how good looking he is, what kind of clothes he wears, car he drives, or what connections he has,I want a GODLY man. A "man", yes, but one who has the character of Christ - as modeled in Scripture. I want a man to be strong on the outside, but soft on the inside - where it counts. Someone who knows how to be humble and admit when he's wrong. I want a leader for my home and someone who will not be a self-centered "absent" father (because he knows where he's going and he's busy getting there.)

Sure, I would want to spend 2 or 3 years getting to know him after we were married and not have children right off the bat. But if you wait too long, selfishness can creep in. I've seen it happen to a lot of my friends. And since divorce is not an option for me, I'd need to be darn sure he was the one. I'd probably want to get the advice of my parents and other older people before I married the guy.

Maybe this is a tall order, but it's one girl's opinion.
Thank you for letting me post.

11:45 PM  
Blogger X-er said...

To the above poster: absolutely. And don't worry, we don't pick on people.

Since we're writing for an ATI audience, we figured character goes without saying. If I could put words in your mouth, you're looking for a man with *integrity and authenticity*, and not just a guy who can flip through the 49 Character Quality Cards saying "Yep, I got 'em all." The steps I recommended are not inconsistent with your desire for someone who is REAL.

But wouldn't you agree that character alone is not an adequate basis for choosing a life partner? You should also consider your ability to communicate, compatability, similar value systems, physical attraction, your life goals, and a host of other factors. We left many important factors off the list of suggestions because we were offering common-sense flirting advice, not a comprehensive guide to choosing your life partner. That'll be a different post for a different day....

As for having children, our point is that you needn't have children immediately out of a sense of duty because God does not command this. Also, while some people may delay having children for selfish reasons, many people HAVE children out of selfish motivations. Children are a gift from God whether expected or not, but we feel that it is better to delay than to have them out of a joyless sense of obligation.

7:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anyone have a clue how an x-ati girl can get a guy? Not that she should initiate anything...but how does one respond? I am Truly curious, totally serious, and definitely struggling under ATI "relationship strongholds."

3:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so good, x-er! thank you. i appreciate the honest, in your face view of some of the back-boneless guys hanging around. and let me tell you, there are non-ati guys out there like this too...the general population of christian guys are wimps! where are all the "wild at heart" guys? where is the hero, riding in on his steed to rescue me? whats the deal? of course, after saying all that, i must add, there are some dynamic, in your face, awesome guys that are willing to take a stand, pursue you till they get you, hard core "real men" out there as well. its simply a matter of being patient. so they say...

1:38 PM  
Blogger Recovering from the trauma said...

"I appreciate the honest, in your face view of some of the back-boneless guys hanging around. And let me tell you, there are non-ati guys out there like this too...the general population of Christian guys are wimps! Where are all the "wild at heart" guys? Where is the hero, riding in on his steed to rescue me? what’s the deal? Of course, after saying all that, I must add, there are some dynamic, in your face, awesome guys that are willing to take a stand, pursue you till they get you, hard core "real men" out there as well. It’s simply a matter of being patient. So they say..."

You talk about the men? Try finding decent Christian women! It seems like so many of them are either spiritually righteous snobs or under the skin players.

"Anyone have a clue how an x-ati girl can get a guy? Not that she should initiate anything...but how does one respond? I am truly curious, totally serious, and definitely struggling under ATI "relationship strongholds."

I'll tell you how you can get a guy. First of all I would recommend you watch him for a while to make sure he is not one of those "backboneless wimpy losers" out there looking only for you know what. Ask other guys about him, (We pay more attention to others behavior than you'd think) Watch how he treats his ma/pa/siblings/and family in general. Watch how he is around children and other eligible girls, and PAY ATTENTION to what kind of girls THEY are. Find out what his interests are so that you can have something to talk about. Once you've got a fair idea of what this guy is like TALK TO HIM! You don't have to be pushy or overt or even "improper" but sometimes we need a little help getting started (especially if we are recovering from the trauma) You see most girls are friendly enough to just say "hi" when you walk by but, if you stop to talk it gives us an opportunity to think "this girl is a mature, intelligent, warm, and interesting HUMAN BEEING who I might like to get to know better!" Yours truly, Someone who knows that their is "God’s ideal girl" out their for him.

12:34 AM  

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