X-ATI Guy

Friday, March 25, 2005

Bill Gothard thanks his critics

Dear Mr. Gothard:

Thank you for the opportunity for unbelievers to express criticism of your ministry and teachings. I must warn you, however, of a group of critics who claim they could bring marvelous blessing and reform to your work if given a hearing. I refer, of course, to the hundreds of students raised in your program who have rashly turned their backs on the Seven Basic Principles.

These young people have made it their purpose in life to rid themselves of all your teachings. Worse yet, they continually speak evil of you and revile the Institute despite the 2.5 million people who have attended the Basic Seminar. They reject the precise meanings of words, and actually insist that "sin" and "iniquity" are the same thing.

In your book The Rewards of Being Reviled, you share important truths for resisting the darts of evildoers. I was especially blessed by your testimony of concern for evil-speakers: "I actually became so detached from my own name and so committed to defending Christ's name that when people speak evil of me, for what I believe to be a Biblical stand, I am "dead" to any reaction to them or the reviling. My concern is not what they are saying about me, but how I can help them see what I believe is the truth."

Oh, for the confidence to proclaim the truth as you do!

Of course, you have the strength to endure such trials because you understand the blessings of reviling: "When I experience the venomous sting of a reviler, it causes deep anguish in the pit of my stomach. If I do nothing about it, this anguish increases in intensity and in emotional grief. But when I ask God, out loud, to bless those who have reviled me, I can honestly say that the hurtful emotions that were there clear up, and that in their place I experience a sincere love for the reviler. There is also confidence that God will both bless me and deal with the reviler in ways that will bring glory to Him."

I pray that God will protect you from a wounded spirit and a root of bitterness toward these mindless critics whose only motivation in life is to tear down the Institute. They cheapen the grace of God by actually claiming that it is free.

Your letter to critics ends by saying, "I will continue to and welcome all the counsel, suggestions, or criticisms of the seminar message or ministry."

Mr. Gothard, I urge you to resist the counsel, suggestions, and criticisms of all ex-ATI students. Remember your own words in The Rewards of Being Reviled: "Reviling comes from a heart of scorn and contempt. It is the spewing out of anger and hatred. It is a verbal attack upon another person, given with deep emotional fervor. Its purpose is to vilify, to defame, to bring shame upon, to discredit, and to attribute evil and sinister motives to what that person says and does."

No good can come of these evil-speakers. They have left us because they were not of us, and God has not called you to waste time on these critics.

Remember also when you said: "It is particularly wrong to speak evil of a leader, Paul inadvertently did this when he was falsely accused by the council." These critics who would speak evil of your leadership deserve no quarter. They should be strapped to a little black box and have electro-magnetic pulses shot through their spirits, souls, and bodies until they are free of the bondage of criticism.

Yours truly,

X-ATI Guy

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Healthy High at Work?

Treatment Offers Hope for Depression. Of course, depressed individuals could achieve far greater freedom by watching Mr. Gothard's Cycles of Life diagram.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Hi, I'm X-er, and I have high standards

SOMEWHERE, USA - Inspired by other brave souls who have resisted assaults on the truth, and disturbed by the lack of godliness exhibited by some readers, X-ATI Guy announced that it is time to follow the fine example of wiser souls and turn off the comments on his site. "Strangling dissent is an important aspect to communicating the truth," he said, "and if people cannot agree with our credo, then they should resign themselves to an extra-crispy eternity."

X-er expressed concern over the errant doctrines of freedom and grace that are leading many astray. "I'm grieved," he said. "We never expected this site to become a sounding board for the critics of IBLP. Who would have thought?"

X-er has re-dedicated his life to writing "pure" satire.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

And they shall know you by your underthings...

Hailed as the "most effective character reminders since Character Cards," Wait Wear gives young people a chance to proclaim their commitment to celibacy on their very underwear.

Red "No Vows No Sex" briefs

"Traffic Control | Wait for Marriage" briefs

Monday, March 14, 2005

O, cast of rebels

Check out who's been sent home lately from Headquarters...

George Washington
for chopping down a cherry tree

Jesus
for turning water into wine

Abraham Lincoln
for kissing a widow's hand after the battle of Gettysburg

Jesus
for telling a crippled man to move furniture on the Lord's Day

Harriet Beacher Stowe
for coordinating an unprecedented, groundbreaking escape from a training center

Jesus
for letting a prostitute wash his feet with her hair!!! (some people just can't stay out of trouble)

Martha Stewart
oh that's right--she completed her character class, but now she has to stay home with her little box around her ankle--maybe she could benefit from the Healthy High

Thomas Jefferson
for threatening to write some declaration of independance

M. Night Shyamalan
for making some new hit horror movie that resembles training center life

-Submitted by a guest poster.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Now we're on a roll....

Bill Gothard, founder and president of IBLP, recently shared a thrilling new insight with excited parents of the ATI program.

"As I was meditating in the night," he said, "the Lord shared this insight with me: if college can be accelerated, why not courtship? After all, how long do you think Adam and Eve's courtship lasted?"

Parents enthusiastically embraced this new truth in eager anticipation of the mighty works their sons and daughters could accomplish by avoiding protracted, unfruitful courtship relationships.

The Institute plans to provide Speed Courting rooms for prospective couples at all events and conferences. Young men will be given the opportunity to mingle with the parents of young ladies with the goal of discovering their partner while attending a Seminar. Parents will be equipped with a powerful seven-point questionnaire. This valuable tool will assist them in asking potential suitors precise questions about their commitments and standards.

ATI daughters expressed gratitude to their parents for providing protection through Speed Courtship. "I used to give my heart away to every young man who asked my father to court me," said one young lady. "Now our union will be arranged before I get caught up in unhealthy soul ties!"

Party Time

The Verity Education and Accelerated Learning Center was surprised to see the Biblically-based discipleship program recently listed in the Top 50 Party School List of 2005.

"We really shouldn't be on that list," said the dean of students. "Technically, we're not even a college."

The nation's colleges are annually ranked for their party atmosphere based on a non-scientific poll of students, staff and faculty. Program directors explained Verity's ranking this year as a fluke. "We try not to put a damper on our students' enthusiasm," said one, "but of course we have the highest standards for student excellence, and the godly young people here are evidence of God's blessing."

When asked if he had concerns about the institution's party reputation, a godly young Verity student extended his index and pinkie fingers and was quoted saying, "YEAH BA-BY!"

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Update on Healthy High

Several more readers have confirmed that the device affectionally referred to as the "Healthy High" does indeed exist. Bill Gothard is reported to have mentioned the Healthy High at the Indianapolis ATI conference last summer and at Verity last September. However, it seems there was some trouble obtaining the exclusive rights to the device and the Institute is not currently using it.

One comment left on our original post about the Healthy High accuses me of lying, but fails to provide any details.

Another reader suggests that perhaps IBLP developed the new technology to cure ATI students of their addiction to X-ATI Guy.

Still another reader pointed out that in the Basic Seminar Mr. Gothard tells us that the material presented can cure any addiction, even 67 years of fingernail biting. If we can conquer addiction using the truths of the Basic, why do we need a little black box?